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Quotes
Dec 1, 2009 23:22:30 GMT -5
Post by Lord Greevon on Dec 1, 2009 23:22:30 GMT -5
This is a fricking huge list now. Some are from me, some are from my brother, some are from his friends. All can be found on his site.
Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.
If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
have you ever smelt an orog
I believe in compulsory cannibalism. If people were forced to eat what they killed there would be no more war.
There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
"...and here's a quote by John Madden," If you don't look, well then you can't see....and if you can't see....then you don't know what you're looking at!"
You seriously expected that to work? Have you gone senile? First, you try to execute me. That didn't work. Not only did it not work, but I gained a castle full of horrors and gained the power and favor of The Devil himself. So you get the bright idea to send some hired soldiers to kill me. None of them ever come back alive. Not a one. After the sixth or seventh try, a normal person would have given up. But you? You just keep on throwing shitty tricks tacked onto disposable help on the off-chance that this time I won't capture them and suck out their souls like it were grape kool-aid. You can't kill me, so stop fucking trying! Just... Stop. Leave me alone. Let me resurrect Satan in peace. Any further harassment, and I will have to summon my lawyer. And that'll take a lot of body parts.
If you're in a burning building, escaping will only make the fire angry.
Why can't I ever fight anything cute and happy? God forbid I get to shoot a happy little squirrel or something. Oh no, it has to be a giant three-headed hellhound, with tentacles and a neck-mouth.
"Hey Fat!"
Nishi Jounichirou, GANTZ: I'm tempted to think that air annoys him regularly.
Allen Walker, D.Gray-Man: Curse that breathing!
Nishi Jounichirou, GANTZ: Polluting his lungs with inferior oxygen... Allen Walker, D.Gray-Man: How dare it? Nishi Jounichirou, GANTZ: Obviously, the only recourse is to dedicate his life to its defeat. Allen Walker, D.Gray-Man: I wouldn't put it past him.
So do your thoughts usually end with everyone naked or is this a special thing?
"... and then of course theres a myth that said Santa wears red. That of course is very true but the red comes from the blood of children who have woken up in the middle of the night and snuck downstairs trying to take a glimpse of Santa. Kids, DO NOT DO IT!! He has to kill you, it is the code of the ninja!"
"I like my women like I like my coffee: ground up and in the freezer."
"Tell me what you regard as your greatest strength, so I will know how best to undermine you; tell me of your greatest fear, so I will know which I must force you to face; tell me what you cherish most, so I will know what to take from you; and tell me what you crave, so that I might deny you."
"People die if they are killed..." - Emiya Shirou, Fate/Stay Night
When you meet with scary people, you must always protect your wallet and your asshole" - That crazy guy from TSR
"Hey, Holly?" "Yes?" "When I die... I'm going to have you buried with me." "...Excuse me?" "Like a Pharaoh. You'll be entombed with me, probably while still alive." "Is that even legal?!" "Laws are for people who don't raise killer monsters for a living." "I hate you so much."
Look at my gatling gun. This is the kind of gun they used to put PLANES on. It wasn't a case of 'Oh, we got this jet fighter, it kinda needs something besides missiles and bombs and shit, let's strap this thing on'. NO. It was a case of a guy making a gun SO awesome, that he just stepped back, and said, "This shit needs to fly'. And everyone else is like, 'You cant make a gun fly!'. And the first guy is all like, 'Fuck you, yes I can. I will strap a PLANE to this GUN.' And everyone's like, 'You mean strap the gun to a plane?' And the first guy is like, 'No, man. I am strapping the plane to the gun. The plane is an ACCESORY.' And then everyone's minds were blown. Like, there was some serious mind blowing going on there. Ears were bleeding. Synapses just went an committed suicide because it was so awesome.
"And then his heart exploded into a fiery mountain of blood!!!!!"
"Well, that'd be a wonderful revelation. God's a bored, mercurial high school bitch queen, ready to kill the universe because it isn't as interesting as she'd like. And, ironically, that same fate would be imposed if the universe becomes more "interesting", because then it would seem unreal to her." - The Melencholly of Haruhi Suzumiya (might be spelled wrong, I only watched the show once)
"Invading /b/ is like pissing in an ocean of piss"
your like two shargas stapled together with a badger for a face and lamprey hands.
When confronted with superior enemy numbers, a heroic adventuring rogue quester has but one choice: with nervs of steel he'll firmly grip his weapon, let loose a thunderous war cry, turn around and run out through the door that the AI limitations keep them guys from coming through. And then hurl rocks from a safe distance.
even when a timely betrayal causes my entire plan to burst into flames i can still appreciate how magnificent it is as i sit in the burning ruins of my capital, sipping wine while my troops die.
...it is as if u almost slaughtered them yourself...
Upton Sinclair wrote of the meatpacking industry at least 100 years ago. He wrote of the entrails, anuses, fingers, toes, gall bladders and etc. of the slaughtered animals that were promptly swept up, compressed and rolled out into delicious hot dogs. This practice allegedly is very illegal now, but no one seems to have told the 7-11 staff. Metal rollers rotate these horrible tubes of agony, baking in their own slick, yellow hot dog sweat. A pale, hospital-colored incubation light beats down on the rolling dogs. Honest to God I actually walked into a Seven-Eleven once at like four AM. The two guys working were crowded over the hot dog contraption. When I asked if the Slurpee machine was functioning, they both shushed me and whispered, "They're hatching." Never been in a 7-11 since.
It's exactly like a regular slingshot. Except instead of shooting pebbles at birds and Mr. Wilson, it destroys an island nation, irradiating the survivors for decades and altering their entire worldview and belief system due to the sheer unimaginable travesty of its power.
"I don't care who I take advantage of: men, women, children, candy.....as long as I get what I want!"
"There are many flavors of candy, and they all taste exactly the same."
Odin: Well that's some good killing for the day, whose up for some drunken debauchery? Jupiter: I am! Zeus: Only if there are wenches. Pelor: No no no! Those killings were regrettable not good... Odin: The only thing that was regrettable was that your weak-butt wasn't pulling your weight when we all were smiting. Jupiter: High Five! Odin: Up top! Zeus: Down low! (if you know what I mean...) Manwe: Does anyone know what you mean anymore? Pelor: The sun of Pelor does shine its light into the darkest places and it is the opinion of this diety that one should act according to the high standards set by the sun. Ra: AKA me! Seriously folks, how awesome is the sun anyway? Zeus: Not as awesome as thunderbolts! Odin: We are losing focus from the very important things! Jupiter: Like drunken debauchery! Odin: Exactly...
____________________________________________________ (these ones are seperated differently so bare with me)
Deadpool(to "Daredevil): See how you like it when I smack you with an interspatial distorter that will temporarily phase your brain into Dimension X!
"Daredevil": This is an ipod with a piece of masking tape attached to it.
Deadpool: It is...Ah, but for a second there, you were really worried!
"Daredevil": Idiot.
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....YOUR HEROS NOW!!!
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Dp-hey ur not in my pants dont speak for my bladder!
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DP: Wolverine, you have more corn in your one liners than I have in my poop after the county fair!
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Haha Baby Cable thinking DP is his dad.
"Dedpoo?"
"Yeah, kid. Deadpoo"
"Dada"
"Who can keep track? I'm like an NBA player that way..."
"Hey...anyone else here smell poop or is my axe effect failing me?"
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If you ARE Kennedy you are a rapist
57. If you ever end up getting into a convoluted bet with a rich Arabian man whereby you must wrestle a bear to the ground in order to secure your freedom from his underground death-games tournament and you manage to survive and escape and return to bring the man to justice and his wife falls in love with your bear-wrestling bravado then you're a rapist.
DP:"I am sorry, but I will not help you when our countries are at war!"
French client:"We aren't at war."
DP:"We aren't? Oh."
"A-Poc-Key-Lips. I think I found my new favorite word!"
DP: No Barbie, don't do that to Ken its so so wrong!
DP: If I do this will my hand go all KFC on me.
DP: Oh, Spider-Man! What a relief. I was thinking Harryhausen or something. Okay. Better.
Spidey: You should be scared of me, Deadpool.
DP: But you were so adorable in your movies. Tobey Maguire-teary doe-eyes, dishelved hope and that sweet lisp...
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(awsometastic!! the V for vendetta)
A joke is a very serious thing.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.
A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him.
Although personally I am quite content with existing explosives, I feel we must not stand in the path of improvement.
Although prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it be postponed.
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfils the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.
Eating words has never given me indigestion
I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.
I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
(Winston Churchhill) "I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn't here." —at the President's Economic Forum in Waco, Texas, Aug. 13, 2002
"We both use Colgate toothpaste." —after a reporter asked what he had in common with British Prime Minister Tony Blair, Camp David, Md., Feb. 23, 2001
"Tribal sovereignty means that; it's sovereign. I mean, you're a — you've been given sovereignty, and you're viewed as a sovereign entity. And therefore the relationship between the federal government and tribes is one between sovereign entities." —Washington, D.C., Aug. 6, 2004
"I'm the commander — see, I don't need to explain — I do not need to explain why I say things. That's the interesting thing about being president." —as quoted in Bob Woodward's brush at War
"The war on terror involves Saddam Hussein because of the nature of Saddam Hussein, the history of Saddam Hussein, and his willingness to terrorize himself." —Grand Rapids, Mich., Jan. 29, 2003
"I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft." —presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004 (Watch video)
"We need an energy bill that encourages consumption." —Trenton, N.J., Sept. 23, 2002
"After standing on the stage, after the debates, I made it very plain, we will not have an all-volunteer army. And yet, this week — we will have an all-volunteer army!" —Daytona Beach, Fla., Oct. 16, 2004 (Watch video)
"Do you have blacks, too?" —to Brazilian President Fernando Cardoso, Washington, D.C., Nov. 8, 2001
'If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator.'
"It is white." —after being asked by a child in Britain what the White House was like, July 19, 2001
"I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah." —at a White House menorah lighting ceremony, Washington, D.C., Dec. 10, 2001
"For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It's just unacceptable. And we're going to do something about it." —Philadelphia, Penn., May 14, 2001
"I don't know why you're talking about Sweden. They're the neutral one. They don't have an army." —during a Dec. 2002 Oval Office meeting with Rep. Tom Lantos, as reported by the New York Times
(brush this is the differance between greatness and...not so greatnes.)
____________________________________________________ (okay, its over with)
"Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries!" ~ Monty Python and the Holy Grail
"GROOVUS!" ~History of the World Part I
"Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue!" ~Airplane
"I know they were just kids...but man, we beat the fuck outta them!" ~Dogma
""Virgins, put on your "no entry" signs! We are about to confront... guys!" ~History of the World Part I
"Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a bygone vexation stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it's my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V." ~V for Vendetta
"All points this is Batman, i need air support... since i cant fly... at all... now would be good" - Batman
"are you saying you go thru my trash" - Supergirl "Please... i go thru everyones trash" - the Question
"Consondering busted horse-thieving alien control panel which cant nobody work proper"- vigilante
"Some men are alive simply because it's against the law to kill them." ~Edward W. Howe
"The thing is, emotion - if it's visibly felt by the writer - will go through all the processes it takes to publish a story and still hit the reader right in the gut. But you have to really mean it." ~Anne McCaffery
"All religion, my friend, is simply evolved out of fraud, fear, greed, imagination, and poetry." ~Edgar Allen Poe
"Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever." ~Miss Alabama, '94 Miss Universe Contest
Why English Teachers Die Young Actual test answers to the question: Give an example of an analogy and/or a metaphor 1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. 2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. 3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. 4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E.coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef. 5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. 6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. 7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. 8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM. 9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. 10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup. 11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30. 12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze. 13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. 14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. 15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth. 16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. 17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River. 18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut. 19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do. 20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. 21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while. 22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. 23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. 24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools. 25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up. 26. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser. 27. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs. 28. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
"He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River. "
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil for I am the meanest motherf#cker in the valley.
“I met my wife through playing golf. She is French and couldn't speak English and I couldn't speak French, so there was little chance of us getting involved in any boring conversations - that's why we got married really quickly.”
(These Ones are mine) : I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?
Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money.
Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting just any old yokel vote.
Home is where the house is.
I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.
I often wonder how come John Tesh isn't as popular a singer as some people think he should be. Then, I remember it's because he sucks.
For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out.
My young brother asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth--that most of us go to hell and burn eternally --but I didn't want to upset him.
I gaze at the brilliant full moon. The same one, I think to myself, at which Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato gazed. Suddenly, I imagine they appear beside me. I tell Socrates about the national debate over one's right to die and wonder at the constancy of the human condition. I tell Plato that I live in the country that has come the closest to Utopia, and I show him a copy of the Constitution. I tell Aristotle that we have found many more than four basic elements and I show him a periodic table. I get a box of kitchen matches and strike one. They gasp with wonder. We spend the rest of the night lighting farts.
When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again. But he better have lost the nose hair and the old-man smell.
I once heard the voice of God. It said "Vrrrrmmmmm." Unless it was just a lawn mower.
I don't know about you, but I enjoy watching paint dry. I imagine that the wet paint is a big freshwater lake that is the only source of water for some tiny cities by the lake. As the lake gets drier, the population gets more desperate, and sometimes there are water riots. Once there was a big fire and everyone died.
I like to go down to the dog pound and pretend that I've found my dog. Then I tell them to kill it anyway because I already gave away all of his stuff. People sure don't have a sense of humor.
As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days saved up.
Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number.
Think of the biggest number you can. Now add five. Then, imagine if you had that many Twinkies. Wow, that's five more than the biggest number you could come up with!
The only stupid question is the one that is never asked, except maybe "Don't you think it is about time you audited my return?" or "Isn't it morally wrong to give me a warning when, in fact, I was speeding?"
Once, I wept for I had no shoes. Then I came upon a man who had no feet. So I took his shoes. I mean, it's not like he really needed them, right?
If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started.
____________________________________________________ (end of mine except for a few every now and then)
"When life hands you lemons, make grape juice and give everyone cause to wonder how the hell you did it."
"WHEN GOD GIVES YOU LEMONS, IT'S TIME TO FIND A NEW GOD!!!"
"You're alive, said the maker and smiled at the aardvark. You're divine by the grace of the master above"
Is that that Mrs. that's that?
“Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different.”
Magneto in comic books:"It sickens me to even speak the same language of this human cattle! They are an inferior irrelevant race living at the mercy of our whims!" Magneto in old 70's jap. video games:"KILL YOU IS NOW!!!ALL ASS BUTTS MAKE TIME FOR MAGNET!! WIN GAME...UGH...IS YOUR ACHIEVE!!!!
life: its what u do while waiting to die.
Any jerkoff can fuck a small crevice on the northwest slope, but it takes a king of men to make the mountain know it's been hosed.
"In close consultation with his advisors, Orkimedes determined that the best solution to the tactical flexibility of Imperial forces was to drop big rocks on them."
There's no Light Side-only a sort of Gray Side, and the actual Dark Side is sentient. A sentient, extremely intelligent, masterfully manipulative, and very powerful Dark Side that occasionally takes matters into its own hands when mortal pawns aren't getting the job done.
Ork Fighta-Bommas run their fuel lines through their cockpits, in case the pilot gets thirsty.
"who would win in a fight between Secret Agent Sasquatch and little red riding hood if riding hood shot up an entire kilo of PCP, filed her teeth into points and had a knife?"
For Pony!!!
"I'm going to eviscerate you and use your gastrointestinal tract as a condom while i fornicate with your skull" - Gohan "... what?" - Nappa "IM GONNA SKULL F@#K YOU!!!, MASAKOHA" - Gohan
IM NOT STUCK IN HERE WITH U! UR STUCK IN HERE WITH ME!!! -Rorcshach
and a simple mission to kill one guy ended with them droping a panda on a police car.
i swear you have the stamina of a narcoleptic infant
Once in a blue moon, God reaches down from his lofty perch, points at an infant boy and proclaims, "This one shall have balls carved out of fucking granite." King Leonidas of Sparta was one such man.
Lois Lane is falling, accelerating at an initial rate of 32 feet per second per second... Superman swoops down to save her by reaching out two arms of steel... Miss Lane who is now traveling at approximately 120 miles an hour hits them and is immediately sliced into three equal pieces...Frankly, if he really loved her he'd let her hit the pavement - it'd be a more merciful death.
"You let one of them go, but that's nothing new. Every now and then, a little victim's spared... because she smiled, cos he's got freckles, cos they begged. And that's how you live with yourself, that's how you slaughter millions, because once in a while, on a whim, if the wind's in the right direction, you happen to be kind."
Vin Diesel: ok Mr. T you hit the ogre with a posion arrow Mr.T: i pitty the foo who fail his saving throw
Ha...pretty long list. And I'll still be posting more every now and then.
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Bob Loblaw
Knight of Darkness
No unibrows Allowed
Posts: 99
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Quotes
Dec 2, 2009 22:20:26 GMT -5
Post by Bob Loblaw on Dec 2, 2009 22:20:26 GMT -5
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on
Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
OK AIRPLANE! Quotes, one of my favorite movies
Rumack: You'd better tell the Captain we've got to land as soon as we can. This woman has to be gotten to a hospital. Elaine Dickinson: A hospital? What is it? Rumack: It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now.
------------------------------- Reporter: What kind of plane is it? Johnny: Oh, it's a big pretty white plane with red stripes, curtains in the windows and wheels and it looks like a big Tylenol.
----------------------------------------- Rex Kramer: Striker, listen, and you listen close: flying a plane is no different than riding a bicycle, just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes.
------------------------------ [as the plane prepares to take off] Hanging Lady: Nervous? Ted Striker: Yes. Hanging Lady: First time? Ted Striker: No, I've been nervous lots of times.
----------------------------------------- Rumack: Can you fly this plane, and land it? Ted Striker: Surely you can't be serious. Rumack: I am serious... and don't call me Shirley.
-------------------------------- Steve McCroskey: Johnny, what can you make out of this? [Hands him the weather briefing] Johnny: This? Why, I can make a hat or a brooch or a pterodactyl...
--------------------------- Rumack: Captain, how soon can you land? Captain Oveur: I can't tell. Rumack: You can tell me. I'm a doctor. Captain Oveur: No. I mean I'm just not sure. Rumack: Well, can't you take a guess? Captain Oveur: Well, not for another two hours. Rumack: You can't take a guess for another two hours?
---------------------------------------- Captain Oveur: Joey, you ever been in a cockpit before? Joey: No sir, I've never been up in a plane before. Captain Oveur: Joey, have you ever seen a grown man naked?
------------------------------------------ Young Boy with Coffee: Excuse me, I happened to be passing, and I thought you might like some coffee. Little Girl: Oh, that's very nice of you, thank you. [takes coffee] Little Girl: Oh, won't you sit down? Young Boy with Coffee: Cream? Little Girl: No, thank you, I take it black, like my men.
----------------------------------------------- Male announcer: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in the red zone. Female announcer: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in the red zone. Male announcer: [later] The red zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in the white zone. Female announcer: No, the white zone is for loading of passengers and there is no stopping in a RED zone. Male announcer: The red zone has always been for loading and unloading of passengers. There's never stopping in a white zone. Female announcer: Don't you tell me which zone is for loading, and which zone is for stopping! Male announcer: Listen Betty, don't start up with your white zone shit again. [Later] Male announcer: There's just no stopping in a white zone. Female announcer: Oh really, Vernon? Why pretend, we both know perfectly well what this is about. You want me to have an abortion. Male announcer: It's really the only sensible thing to do, if its done safely. Therapeutically there's no danger involved.
--------------------------------------- Ted Striker: Mayday! Mayday! Steve McCroskey: What the heck is that? Johnny: Why, that's the Russian New Year. We can have a parade and serve hot hors d'oeuvres...
--------------------------------------- Randy: Can I get you something? Second Jive Dude: 'S'mofo butter layin' me to da' BONE! Jackin' me up... tight me! Randy: I'm sorry, I don't understand. First Jive Dude: Cutty say 'e can't HANG! Jive Lady: Oh stewardess! I speak jive. Randy: Oh, good. Jive Lady: He said that he's in great pain and he wants to know if you can help him. Randy: All right. Would you tell him to just relax and I'll be back as soon as I can with some medicine? Jive Lady: Jus' hang loose, blood. She gonna catch ya up on da' rebound on da' med side. Second Jive Dude: What it is, big mama? My mama no raise no dummies. I dug her rap! Jive Lady: Cut me some slack, Jack! Chump don' want no help, chump don't GET da' help! First Jive Dude: Say 'e can't hang, say seven up! Jive Lady: Jive ass dude don't got no brains anyhow! Hmmph!
---------------------------------------- [reading newspaper headlines] Rex Kramer: Passengers certain to die! Steve McCroskey: Airline negligent. Johnny: There's a sale at Penney's!
---------------------------------------- Suicide Hotline... Please hold
-------------------------------------------------------------------- Ryan: Did this happen on company property? Michael It was on company property, with company property. So, double jeopardy, we're fine. Ryan I don't think-- I don't think you understand how jeopardy works. Michael Oh, I'm sorry. What is, 'we're fine'?
--------------------------------------------------------- Welcome to the Hotel Hell. Check-in time in now, check-out time is never.
Does my room have cable?
No. And the sheets are made of fire.
Can I change rooms?
Sorry we're all booked up. Hell convention in town.
Can I have a late check-out?
I'll have to talk to the manager.
You're not the manager, even in your own fantasy?
I'm the owner.. the co-owner. With Satan!
Okay, just so I understand it. In your wildest fantasy, you are in hell and you are co-running a bed and breakfast with the devil.
But I haven't told you my salary yet
Go.
Eighty thousand dollars.
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